The Part of Healing No One Wants to Talk About
I have to start by saying something that will make some people uncomfortable.
I healed. Not through the perfect diet. Not through the perfect supplement protocol. Not through avoidance, restriction, and fear. Not by finding the one practitioner who finally had the answer.
I healed because I made a quantum jump.
I had to do something different. I had to think differently. I had to be different.
And the part no one wants to talk about is this: the safety I had created was keeping me trapped.
The Box
When you have been sick for a long time, you build a box.
Not on purpose. Out of necessity. The box is made of rules. The rules are made of fear. And the fear is made of every time your body betrayed you, every time a practitioner failed you, every time you tried something that made things worse.
So you build a box. And inside the box are all the things that keep you safe:
The perfect diet.
The exact supplement protocol.
The avoidance.
The restriction.
The fear of trying anything different.
And for a while, the box works. It props you up. It keeps you upright. It keeps the symptoms from getting worse.
But here is what no one tells you:
The box does not heal you. The box contains you.
I realized I had wedged myself into a box. I was trapped in it. The very safety I had created was the thing keeping me stuck.
The Lie of the Perfect Protocol
I spent years looking for the perfect protocol. The right diet. The right supplements. The right sequence. The right practitioner.
And I found some of them. I got better. I got stronger. I got more functional.
But I did not heal.
Because the protocol was not the problem. The identity was the problem.
I had become the person who was managing a chronic illness. I had become the person who needed the protocol. I had become the person who was surviving.
And the protocol was keeping that identity in place.
Every supplement I took was a reminder: I am still sick.
Every food I avoided was a reminder: I am still broken.
Every fear I held was a reminder: I cannot trust my body.
The box kept me safe. But it also kept me the same.
The Thing No One Wants to Do
Here is the part that no one wants to hear.
At a certain point, you have to stop.
You have to stop the supplements. You have to stop the protocols. You have to stop the research and the seeking and the searching. You have to sit in silence. And you have to do the work within.
That is the work no one wants to do. Because it is not exciting. It is not a new supplement. It is not a new protocol. It is not something you can buy or order or download.
It is you. Alone. In the silence. Facing yourself.
And that is terrifying. Because the box was safe. The box was predictable. The box was known.And what is on the other side of the box is unknown.
But the unknown is where the healing is.
The Quantum Jump
I had to make a quantum jump.
Not a step. Not a gradual improvement. A jump. From one identity to another. From the person who was managing illness to the person who was whole.
And you cannot make a quantum jump by doing the same thing you have always done. You cannot make it by taking one more supplement. You cannot make it by finding one more practitioner. You cannot make it by being more disciplined about the protocol.
You have to do something different.
You have to think differently. You have to act differently. You have to be differently.
You have to stop being the person who is managing a chronic illness. And you have to become the person who is living.
The Identity Shift
This is the part no one talks about. And it is the most important part.
Healing is not about the food. It is not about the supplements. It is not about the protocol.
Healing is about identity.
You have to stop being the person who is sick. And that is not a small thing. Because the sick person is a real person. They have a life. They have a routine. They have a set of rules that keeps them safe.
And letting go of that person is a kind of death. It is a death of the identity you have built. And it hurts. And it is terrifying. And no one wants to do it.
But it is the only way through.
What I Do Now
I do not take all the supplements anymore. I do not follow the perfect protocol. I do not restrict and avoid and fear.
I sit in silence. I go within. I do the work that no one wants to do. And I trust my body to know what it needs.
That is not a protocol. That is a relationship. And it is the relationship I was never able to have while I was hiding inside the box.
The safety I had created was keeping me trapped. So I let it go. And I stepped into the unknown. And I healed.
For Anyone Who Is Still in the Box
I know you are scared. I was scared too.
I know the box feels like the only thing keeping you upright. And I know that letting go of it feels like it will kill you.
But the box is not healing you. The box is containing you.
You do not need another supplement. You do not need another protocol. You do not need another practitioner.
You need to make a quantum jump. You need to change your identity. You need to stop being the person who is managing a chronic illness and start being the person who is living.
That is the part of healing no one wants to talk about. And it is the only part that matters.
🕯️ — Rev Dr. Becky / Ari'Yael